humorous war strategies.

This isn't mine, I found it somewhere a long time ago and saved it to my computer. Enjoy the hilarity.




The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

What, nothing for Japan or China?

I'll try my own

Japan has developed a lightweight alloy that weighs less than steel but is three times as strong and flexible, and used it to develop highly sophisticated robots. These robots were trained to fly planes directly into pearl harbor however, bankrupting the japanese military.


China has amassed the largest army in world history by creating a national draft. Sadly, all of the army has starved to death.

All those mechas...

China's army is more technologically advanced than India or Pakistan. It annoys me beyond belief to think that China could take out both nations in one war.

Their army out number's the US Army 7:1

The War God speaks!
It does, which is one of the reaons the US is still hasn't severed ties with China.

The U.S. won't sever ties with China because-withholding nukes- it is the only standalone nation that could rival ours, and it's completely nuts to boot. Hell, Mao said himself (paraphrasing) "china has millions of people, we can sacrifice a few hundred thousand" >_> with a nation built on such a philosophy I don't see why any intelligent nation would fight them. Maybe that means North Korea will challenge them soon ha. Koreans. Here is another one.


Korea has recently decided to start a war with all capitalist nations, but, wants to remain on the defensive for the next sixty years.